Learning from Donald Trump?
If I were a citizen of the United States of America I would not be voting for Donald Trump! Apart from the significant policy differences he and I would have, I just couldn’t see myself voting for a man who presents as so uncouth, so vitriolic, so mean-spirited, so angry, so nasty, so bigoted, so misogynistic, so immoral, so unethical, so consistently defensive … … have I just about covered it? Of course I don’t actually know the man personally, so there’s a chance that my assessment may be off-target, but that’s how I perceive him as he presents before the cameras. I find it hard to warm to any aspect of his personality. I recognise that there are many people who speak in his favour (indeed, I have some US friends who support him) but the fact that there are so many Trump-minded people in the US is, to me, both amazing and alarming! To my mind, he is simply a grumpy old man, something I hope will never be said of me!
However! … … If I am honest with myself, I acknowledge that some of the attitudes I abhor in Trump do lurk within the dark recesses of my psyche. I have been known to speak unkindly to people. I can become defensive when my ego is bruised, or my ideas are questioned. I know there have been times when my selfishness has hurt those I love. And, to paraphrase the apostle Paul, I have found myself doing that which I will not, and not doing that which I will. Who am I to criticise Donald Trump when that shadow side is so real within me?
That realisation set me to thinking. How do I keep the shadow side in check? What can I do to escape that dreaded ‘grumpy old man’ label? In whom or what might my ‘salvation’ lie? The short answer to that question is grounded in my sense of the nearness of the Spirit of Creation, and more specifically in my experiential conviction that I am imbued with a spark of that Spirit. When I choose to live in harmony with that embedded Spirit its light supplants the darkness of the shadow side. So I must be intentional about that choice, making it over and over and over again. I am reminded of a story I once read about a wise old Cherokee man in conversation with his grandson about this internal wrestling:
“The battle is between two wolves inside us all,” he said. “One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.” The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee replied, “The one you feed.”
In my journey I have been blessed with many travelling companions – mentors, colleagues, authors and wise guides – who have taught and/or modelled strategies for cultivating the spirit within. So here, in no particular order, are a few practices that I’ve learnt from others and find valuable in my quest to avoid becoming a grumpy old man.
Be curious. Ask questions. Delve into life. Let curiosity feed all of you – mind, body and spirit. Brene Brown refers to curiosity as ‘the superpower for the second half of life.’ Walt Whitman urged his readers to ‘Be curious, not judgemental.’ Curiosity is the counter to defensiveness. Instead of jumping into a reactive response to words or circumstances or people that challenge us, ask questions: why does she think that? Why do I feel threatened by his words? What is really going on in this situation? Never stop being curious about yourself, about others, about the world.
Be still. Be present to the moment. Create space. Notice things. This stillness is not about doing nothing – it is about cultivating an inner stillness in the midst of any and all activity, an inner stillness that resources us for the busyness and the madness of the world. It is being alert to the ‘thin places’ where (according to Celtic spirituality) ‘the distance between Heaven and Earth collapses.’ If that definition seems to limit the thin place experience to the religious sphere then please forgive me. Everyone has thin place experiences – gazing at a mountain vista, listening to beautiful music, watching the sun set over the sea, catching the delicate fragrance and beauty of a flower, being present at the birth of your child, etc., etc. – these can all be thin place experiences if we notice them, if we are ‘present’ to them, if we attend to them, if we are deeply still.
Cultivate wonder. There is a ‘weariness of spirit’ in contemporary life that mediates against the experience of wonder. The pressure of busyness, work expectations, economic fragility, crime, world conflict, climate change, etc. etc., all serve to suppress our capacity for wonder, cause us to lower our visage, to be downcast. We end up either overwhelmed by a sense of burden, or underwhelmed by the sheer dreariness of it all. Feeling the first, we don’t notice the subtle blessings in our surroundings; we don’t take the time to stop and smell the roses. Feeling underwhelmed, we couldn’t care less: “So what?” becomes our response instead of “Wow!” The spiritual practice of wonder shifts our focus from a small world that is often centred around us and our problems, to a big world that is centred around the wonder of life and the mystery of creation.[1]
Affirm hope. Hope can appear to be a little esoteric, even unrealistic, especially when it is based on a vague ‘wishing and hoping’ that some external divine entity might act to alleviate our suffering. That sort of hope is rarely sustainable, it rarely withstands the rigours of life experience. A more practical and sustainable concept of hope is that captured in this quote from Patricia Livingstone:
Hope is not the naïve expectation that life will always go smoothly, that desolation will remain a stranger. Hope is the assurance that God will be with us in whatever happens.
This definition works for me when I understand ‘God’ as that eternal spark of the Spirit that is embedded deep within me. That Spirit is with me in many forms: in the people who love and care for me; in the song that catches me by surprise and lifts my spirit; in the health care worker who is genuinely focused on the best outcome for me; in the food that teases my senses; in the book that stirs my imagination; in the tree that takes my breath away; and in the gentle inner stillness of my own being. Those experiences, and so many others, give me cause for hope as they invite me to lift my eyes and look beyond the horizon.
Walk humbly. “Humility is the beginning of sanctity” according to Mother Teresa.[2] Healthy humility is anchored in the awareness that it’s not all about me, but that I am part of something bigger, something wondrous and wonderful, something mysterious and, yes, holy. And in the face of that holiness, I am both humbled and honoured – to be an integral part of this complex, beautiful, limitless, immersive creation is simply amazing.
I could add to this list, and say more about each practice, but I must stop somewhere. In summary, life is a wondrous journey, a journey that brings a great variety of experiences and opportunities. The way we travel that journey, how we deal with the ups and downs, the twists and turns, how we treat those we meet along the way, will, to a large extent, determine the degree to which our life becomes fulfilling for us and meaningful to others. Some people tromp through life with little awareness of the things around them and little regard for the people they encounter along the way. Others tread more gently, savouring the beauty of creation, nurturing relationships, treating other people with respect and paying attention to the little things along the way. My quest is to learn and practice enough of the above qualities to warrant that I be numbered amongst the latter group, and to ensure that it never be said of me, ‘Oh he’s just a grumpy old man.’
David Brooker
21st August 2024
[1] See Spirituality and Practice by Frederic & Mary Ann Brussat for resources and ideas on how to practice wonder and other qualities listed here.
[2] Quoted in The Joy in Loving by Edward LeJoly and Jaya Chalika
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